On Turning 60

Apr 4, 2017

2 min read

Sixty used to be old. My parents were old at 60. And then my mother died at 63 and everyone said "She died so young".

And I got older. And 60 didn't seem so old anymore. And now, here it is! And I find myself marveling at the fact that I am actually here. How did this happen? I'm not nearly as freaked as I was when I turned 50. Actually, I freaked when I turned 51 - when I realized I was "in my 50s". Once I discovered that being in ones 50s was actually rather cool, I mellowed into it. Now I just don't know what to think or how to feel. I know I don't feel old.

In my very young youth, I was very sure there was a god. I was a practicing Christian (though my parents were the Easter/Christmas Christians) and quite fervent about my religion. Fast forward to my coming out as a feminist and a lesbian and I knew, absolutely, that there was no god. God was a patriarchal construct designed to keep us (women) in our place. A little later, I was "spiritual". I'm still not sure what that meant exactly. I believed there was a greater power (no, not a god) that bound all living things together. I was one with plants, animals and other people. (Admittedly, there were quite a few people I really didn't want to be "one" with.) And now...well...all I know is I really don't seem to know much. I think, perhaps, there may be a god. I may be drifting back to Christianity - a more progressive "brand", if you will, thanks to my wife. One that is not all "hell-fire and brimstone" - one that is love and forgiveness and acceptance (no, not "tolerance"). I think I can live with that kind of spirituality.

So, at 60, have I come full circle? Perhaps in a way. For me, being 60 seems to be finding a gentler place within the world. I still rant. I still rail against injustice and oppression. But I am quicker to forgive. I am quicker to find common ground with others. I move more quickly towards compassion. I work towards "unconditional positive regard" (thank you P.). And while I am not always successful, I keep trying. I also try to be kinder and more compassionate towards myself. The world out there is harsh. We, at least, should try to be kind to ourselves.